


Courtyard

by immarbles



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Cats, Fluff and Humor, I Tried, chatfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 07:14:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19988215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immarbles/pseuds/immarbles
Summary: (Not to be taken seriously, please)Once upon a time in a high-density neighbourhoud, a bunch of cats have just managed to claim their own territory. Every garden is neatly appropriated to each cat, excluding the garden of the only catless house.This one place they all secretly happen to like for its abundance in good lounging spots and a lack of the owner's intrusiveness is nice enough to cause wars if someone would ever try to claim it... if, at least, there was one ambitious enough to do so, which there isn't.In any case...Due to this courtyard, inevitably, the cats start to cross paths enough to become awkwardly familiar with one another.





	Courtyard

**Author's Note:**

  * For [byuniehoney](https://archiveofourown.org/users/byuniehoney/gifts).



> For my friend @byuniehoney
> 
> I guess I was persuaded by the pun to write this...  
> This story includes a ridiculous plottwist, be prepared!
> 
> Clarifier beforehand:  
> 1\. the '-ard's are yards.  
> 2\. The Lady is the host of a cooking show on TV  
> 3\. 'The fuck' is used as a form of greeting

\- At night -

JL:

T:

T: Well,... It's not my business, but...

T: ... I just wouldn't drink from that if I were you, man

T: I mean, it's so stanky...

JL: This-...

JL: What good reason do you have to not continue ignoring me?

T: No, it's just.. Whatever, jeeze...

/.../

T: You're the one from the Pinkard, right? With the dog?

JL: I guess

T: He bit in my tail, once

JL: ...Same

JL: 's a good fellow, though. Just-

JL: ..Whatever, I'm out.

/.../

\- Another occasion -

JL: ...You always sit on the same spot

T: Well, yeah, it's good here

JL: Do you even have territory?

T: What if I didn't?

JL: Dude, no, don't. I just like that spot, is all...

JL: 'cause it's good there

/The Yellard cat approaches them.../

P: Dude, can you move?

T: What if I didn't?

P: This fuck... You crave a stabbing?

JL: Yo,..ooo! I always see you fighting the Rollers! Respect, man

P: Ugh, just move so I can go home to sleep...Wait

P: how did you see me, then

JL: From my window, man! I've got the best view, I'm telling you...

P: Haha! You from the Pinkard, then? 

JL: Yeah

P: I see... How do you live... Just from seeing that dog piss like a sprinkler I barf spontaneously

JL: Haha, well... Wait, where did that ginger go?

P: Oh, shit, you're right. Well, gotta go then

JL: No way, where did he go..? 

\- 3 -

JL: I can't believe you're here again

JL: How did you escape?

JL: I've been thinking about it

JL:

JL: Are you a ghost?

T: ...What if I was?

JL: Don't fucking do that

T: What do you want to know?

JL: I don't even care

/../

JL: You don't get muscle aches from just sitting there all day?

T: Nah, not really

JL: Bitch, you serious?

T: Yea

JL: Damn... 

JL: You sure?

T: Yeah, man

JL: I never see or smell you anywhere but here and you never have muscle aches

JL: You're an odd cat

JL: Do you even eat?

T: I do

T: I don't drink murky water, though

\- 4 -

/T was sitting on the same spot.../

RC: Are you really what they say?

/T startled.../

T: Uh, a ghost?

RC: No. An imposter.

T: Ah... 

T: Yes

RC: Really? I can't imagine....

T: I've heard you're the gossip cat

RC: Perhaps...

RC: You not a Roller?

T: No

RC: Well, then I don't mind whatever you are

RC: I always get too much grub from my Missus... You want some?

T: Sorry pal, I'm not that hungry

RC: Not even canned fish?

T: No

RC: Ah... 

RC: 

RC: You know, back in the day, when my Missus still fed stray cats, I'd hear all kinds of stories about cats like you

T: Oh

T: ...I guess trying one bite wouldn't hurt

RC: You're used to better food, right?

T: If you put it like that... 

\- 5 -

JL: The jackpot is right here, man, I swear

JL: I can't emphasize this more. Mannn

JL: It's so good

P: You mean this piss like shit?

JL: Just taste it

P: No...

P:

JL: Whatever, your loss

/../

P: You ever do anything?

JL: I don't really feel anything

JL: I mean

JL: Things like desire or boredom

JL: So no

P: You ever fight?

JL: Nah. I'm a sheltered babe

P: You want to?

JL: No

P: I see

P: Ya see this scar? I got it from this crazy dude...

JL: A Roller?

P: Nah

P: I wanted to tell him that I liked him, when all of a sudden he starts screaming about not being a girl, but a _dude,_ even though I knew that already, and how-

RC: -Guys, the fuck. I've got news.

RC: I know you hate me but just listen up

JL: I don't care enough to...

RC: Guys! T, you know, the ginger that always sits on the good spot: he's from the Greenard! I'm sure of it

P: What... But there's no Greenard in this part of town..?

JL: Dude, RC. No fucking way. The last time there was a Greenard cat was- 

RC: -Listen, I'm telling you! He doesn't even want fancy tuna! You know that always works!

JL: Order yourself a new brain, man! He's just acting!

JL: That ginger is no more than a stray -I bet he was drooling over it!

RC: Just listen! He even knows the Lady's first name!

JL: He _what?_

P: I really don't understand what this is all about..?

JL: He knows what it looks like _?_

RC: He said he even knew how to turn the knobs of the TV, I'm telling you

JL:

JL: You're full of shit, RC. Like always

P: Guys, no, what the fuck did TV do to get knobs

JL: It's a thing

RC: It's a thing

JL: Not a cat

RC: It's in the Greenard's house

JL: The Lady in the TV.

RC: Exactly. But the news is that _HE TURNED THE KNOBS!_

RC: I've heard about this back in the day, when my Missy still-

JL: -Yeah, yeah...

RC: When she still-... He's not just an imposter, but a human imposter! The owner of the house! I'm telling youu

P: Mister, you're saying this cat is a human, now? 

RC: Yes

RC: It happens to them when they drink too much alcohol!

JL: No 

JL:

JL: not always

P: Seriously?!

JL: Generally it happens when they have dreamless nights

JL: It doesn't matter if they're drunk or not

RC: Ugh...I feel so bad. The guy probably doesn't know what's happening to him...

P: I-... What even...

P: How do I believe something like that

P: Humans transforming into cats?

JL: But dude, RC, if this is true

JL: which I highly doubt

JL: what the fuck kind of sleep is he having to be a cat that much?

RC: Don't ask me, man

P: Are you guys actually for real

RC: Oh shit! Maybe he's dying! 

RC: Oh no!

/P starts laughing.../

Jl: ...

JL: Well, too bad I don't believe you

RC: JL! You know I've helped you out tons of times when you were in trouble! 

RC: Come on, this one time..!

\- 6 -

T: I guess I have no choice

T: You've found me out

T: It's been, what, five days now?

RC: Tell them the Lady's name

T: 

T: Olivia

JL: Oh damn!

P: Well, whaddaya say, he does know it

RC: I told you so...

T:

T: I wonder, though

T: are you guys human as well?

T: I mean

T: How would you have known about the Lady otherwise?

JL: 

RC: From JL

P: I don't even know at this point

JL: yes

JL: I was, once

P: DUDE!

RC: Oh, boy

JL: The owner of this house

JL: Before you were

T: Damn

T:

T: You died?

JL: Yeah

RC: Oh damn...

RC: Then you, too... The sleeping is... Oh damn

P:

P: Dude, I'm outta haire

\- 

THE END

-


End file.
